All day I've been looking at the clock and figuring out what time it is in Korea and what Benjamin would be doing on his second birthday which he would be celebrating right now!! 3:00 am he's still sleeping, 8:00 am he's waking up, 1:00 pm he just finished lunch. Oh boy how exciting to image his day (not so much) and know that last year at this time we had all intention of celebrating this day with him (not the case).
It makes me angry, sad, and frustrated that we've had to hit this milestone without him here. No hugs, no kisses, no wrapping paper flying around the room, and no birthday cake to get messy. Never did we think when we started this process that he wouldn't be here by now. We knew he wouldn't be here for his first birthday (though sad), yet I was able to get through that and check it off as something we had to go through before he came home. This year being 2, I think he will understand better what is going on and I selfishly want to be a part of that moment for him.
It truly infuriates me to no end that it's now been 16 months since we've been matched with our beautiful little guy and yet the Korean government feels the need to delay him the opportunity to be with our family. Why must he wait? To whose benefit? How much longer? My heart also goes out to all the families ahead of us that are still waiting on travel and kiddos are now turning 26+ months. Yes, everyday is a day closer. But everyday is also a day lost on bonding, attachment, building memories and family experiences. The families picking up kiddos recently are seeing such mixed emotions, physical outcries, and major grieving from their kiddos. I wouldn't blame them after almost 2 years with a foster family.
This has been a tough year of waiting and what seems to have been one big delay/standstill in the process. Things have started to pick up the second half of this year (but by no means a flurry of activity). Who knows what's to come in the remainder of the year as Korea loves to keep us on our toes and re-interpret the process with changes at a moments notice. I beg of them to see the families that are recently uniting and realize the strains they are placing on our kiddos and foster families by withholding the processing of paperwork and setting court dates in a timely fashion. For the love of God get these kiddos home!!
End of my rant and onto sending positive thoughts and happy birthday wishes to Korea for Benjamin : )
Now that's the kid I raised!
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